It's not over.

I want to write something worth reading but I’m not sure if I have it in me anymore. This year has drained a lot of my passion and I am sorry for that. I feel like it might be coming back but there is no sure way of knowing that I guess. Maybe I can start with detailing the things that I have learned this year:

To begin with I have learned that not everything happens for a reason. The stupidly optimistic view that everything in your life happens because it is leading you to some greater happiness is a load of shit and I’m so sick of hearing it. I also am sick of trying to convince myself that it is true. Sometimes shitty things happen to good people, and this is not to make them even better or to set them up for some other great thing (if they can manage that then sure that’s awesome) it just happens. Sometimes great things happen to shitty people. It’s not because they are going to have something bad result from it to teach them a lesson it’s just because the world isn’t a fair place.

I have also learned that I can’t change anyone but myself. Sure, it sounds like something that you learn in elementary school but it seriously took me a long time to really grasp this concept. It feels awesome to help someone but any change that results through that help is in no way my doing it is that other person’s entirely. I had to learn how to react to certain situations to remain in control of my own emotions and produce the kinds of responses that I wanted from others. 

My most important lesson lately is that new beginnings are a blessing. I could not be happier to be ending my high school life and moving on to college. I can already feel that this move is going to make me stronger and healthier inside and out.

I genuinely love who I am. I may have some flaws to work on but that makes me who I am and I think I am pretty damn good at being Shayne.